To My New Hope
Two years ago, I was cheated upon. For the first time in my life, I felt how it was to have your heart ripped in two from circumstances based on giving your all to somebody else. Believing in your heart you made a right choice, dreaming big despite predicaments, trusting somebody else with your life, plans and dreams…
It took a long while for me to get over. Family and friends supported my decision to try new things, to venture out into the world. For the first time, I saw myself as an individual with potential to do better. I developed confidence I didn’t know was there. I remembered how it was like to hang with old and new friends, enjoying freedom with no commitments.
In due time, life went back to normal.
Only to be disrupted again from an abrupt proposal of courtship… to hopefully result to a commitment of forever.
I’ve heard of that from before and I didn’t believe it. But I’m never the one to not give anybody a chance. If they could stay despite my tantrums, mood-swings and unpredictability, then it will be all good. If not, there are no hard feelings.
I can hardly say no to someone I’ve been friends for a long time. Out of respect and friendship, I let him pursue, thinking the geographic gap of continents and ocean separating us will one day make him realize the predicament for a relationship to last.
But he did pursue. More than a year. Over webcam, emails and texts. The dedication was astounding. His patience was nothing I’ve seen from others.
And so after one year and four months of courtship… I gave in. It was impossible to ignore, I fell for him.
So to you Erwin Ronel Cruz, you reached the finish line. :p
You made a woman of stubborn streak give in. You made a self-made hermit think otherwise that she was meant to be alone forever. Ever since I was born, I believed that solidarity is the easier way to hide away from more hurt my family history has imposed on my shoulders. After my heart was broken the first time, the idea grew into proportions.
Yet, you persevered and stayed true to your word that you will just be beside me. I may hide, be overly emotional, “go-hide-in-the-forest” with the claim of not coming out again, but you stayed. I hate you because you freakin’ stayed. :p
I don’t know if I will ever live up to your expectations. I don’t know if I will ever be a great girlfriend to start with. I only know I do love you with all my flaws and insecurities. I’m not sure if that is enough but it is all I could give for now. I cannot give much or give you support financially, physically or mentally. I’m broke, we’re too far away from each other for me to able to help you, even with some of your chores. Nor am I smart enough to easily understand advises you give me.
But I do love you. You know that right?
So thank you for the patience, the dedication and for the gift to believe in something again. We do fight once in a while, but I hope you realize it doesn’t mean I don’t value your words. I do, very much. I hope one day I’ll be able to help you greatly with life, so you won’t be so stressed anymore.
To my new hope, I wish you Happy Valentine’s Day. I wish you were here beside me right now. I miss you so much. :*