Browsing through my endless collection of backed up disks, I came across a CD with numbers of eBooks I got from different sources. I found this ebook titled ‘100 Bullshit Jobs and How to Get Them’. I haven’t had the time before to check out its contents since the ebooks were given to me as a gift. I was expecting something of a comedic nature, like playing on the lighter side of mediocre jobs (e.g. fertilizer digger? from animal poop? XD Not that they’re bad jobs… but well… its only me I guess. I have nothing against them though). I was surprised to find lists of different professional titles with (relatively true though told in a humorous nature) pros and cons of each position.
I tried to find the profession that bests suits me at the moment and I came across the title of ‘Blogger’. I’m not a professional blogger but I consider blogging as a hobby and routine, so I perceive it more seriously than other my other acquaintances (I guess XD)
Here is the description for the ‘Blogger’ position:
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Download contents of your mind, even when there arent any
The trouble with the Internet is that its replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. ~ Patrick Murray
$$: Relatively small, but prospects for high- paying bullshit job in the future are virtually assured.
ß: 92. Sometimes you piss off the wrong people.
Skills Required: Ability to upload thoughts, vapors, resentments, insights, lack of insights, rumors, stuff you’ve heard, stuff you havent heard, truth, lies, fiction, semifact, appropriated wisdom, logrolling, political and sociological venom, self- promotion, and other cultural effluvia on a blank screen day in and day out; must possess the impression that ones quotidian brain activity is of interest to others. Helps to be funny but when that is impossible, being hateful often suffices.
Duties: Write all day. Write all night. Doo- dah.
Famous Examples: Wonkette. All the blogs owned by Murdochian online minimogul Nick DentonDefamer in LA, Gawker in New Yorktend to be the crème de la crème of the genre, with vast knowledge of who is attractive and vulnerable to abuse. Others, like Matt Drudge and Jim Romenesko, are not bloggers per se but packagers of other peoples digital farts and, at times, actual journalism.
How to Get It: Set up a Web log by establishing a site.That is your blank slate. Dont leave it blank for long. Start writing, and by writing, I mean filling up the screen with words.
Try to do this all the time. Let no notion or twinge go unexplored. After a while, your natural human tendency to be appropriate or kind or thoughtful or to edit yourself in any way will decay, falling away from you like a dead husk. This is good. When its gone altogether, youll find your output will be staggering. Its not that hard to write when the activity itself is the only job requirement.
The Upside: This is one of the bullshit jobs you can do immediately, with no training and no prior experience.You can also become very famous, since the established media, increasingly devoid of excitement and ideas of its own, has taken to siphoning off daily blogging activity as a much better and more interesting alternative to actual news.
The Downside: You need a full, daily dose of imagination, guile, bile, and people pouring nonsense into your head that you can repeat.
The Dark Side: Your skin glows an ethereal white, your eyes become rheumy and bloodshot. Hair erupts in horrendous places.You dont care.You are now nothing but a conduit through which pass all the rare gases of the universe.You are, in short, a blog.
Where You Go from Here: McSweeneys.
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I’m sorry but what is McSweeneys? I really don’t know. XD
