But then, how about us? How about me? (My Secret)

I NEED to get this off my chest and now I don’t care if any of my relatives WOULD get to SEE this.

I AM GETTING ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL INSIDE EVERYTIME I SEE MY DAD, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE’s DRUNK.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s my dad and he has done a lot to raise the family until the issue of money really got to him and started the YEARS and YEARS and endless cylce of anger, humulitation, emotional wounds he concurred in my heart,distaste for familial norm, hate in love, not believing in fate, becoming cynical, belief that all humanity is jaded, and forgiveness does not occur to all.

HE CANNOT FORGIVE, and no amount of communication can reach him especially since his best friend is liquor. My mom did a really bad thing FINANCIALLY a long, long time ago and it made our life a little bit comfortable than before. I was a kid back then and the change of lifestyle I didn’t understand nor would listen to reason to. I was MAD.

But mom came to erase all that when she became a housewife after that. After the years of not constantly having parents to be with you especially when you ask for homework help since they are too tired from work, was a good change. It was no discussion of money / financial comfort anymore. It was bonding. And I came to forgive her unconsciously since she made up by taking care of me and my sister a lot despite the way my dad came to badly treat her.

My dad does not hurt her physically, but he might as well, since we’re all hurting on the inside A LOT with what he IS doing until now. He constantly hurts my mother with words, and sometimes he does do a bit of hard shoving to her.

I tried to fight back but to no avail because I know that we could not live without the financial aid from my dad. MONEY can be such a trap. It is one thing he thought well: PRACTICALITY and MONEY IS WHAT MAKES LIFE EASIER AND IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

So until now, we are suffering under his reign. Inside HIS HOUSE (he keeps on emphasizing that), we are tenants and it would continue I guess for more years. This is a harsh reality, which I somehow have accepted and likely made this as means to be nice to others outside the house, to be REALLY understandable to others, to GIVE others a CHANCE and to learn to forgive.

But then, how about us? How about me?

Popularity: 5% [?]

Piss!

This absolutely pisses me off! Nothing is going my way and I think I am deceived! Grrrr…. everything in my life is absolutely emotionally draining!

One thing for sure, I’ve got to get enough money to get out of this life. I’m sorry… yes, a lot say that money can’t buy everything….

but according to one quote I read somewhere, “People who say that money can’t buy happiness didn’t have any.”

I am to angry so please don’t take it personally. I just need an outlet.

Popularity: 1% [?]

At the mall

I just saw ‘Chronicles of Naria’ this morning at the mall. Totally awesome! XD Can’t wait for another Narnia story in the future. ^^

Is it just me or am I unconsciously collecting all Hayao Miyazaki videos? I just bought Nausicaa and I can’t wait to start watching it in a bit. My, movies is a sure way to keep me happy despite all my probles. But they sure remove quite a chunk on your money! Ack! Really Jasmine (talking to myself), when will you learn to not buy things when you’re tempted! But how can I not buy that DVD? It’s Hayao Miyazaki for christ sakes!

Tomorrow is the day, the big day. The transfer-to-another-office day. Can’t help but still feel a bit lonely. But I guess all I can do is be hopeful that this change will bring something good in my life. I have to believe that. *feeling lonesome again*

Received quite some news today:
Sinagot na ni Mhay si Darwin! HAHAHA. Pagkatapos ng walong taon!
(Mhay now have Darwin as a boyfriend. HAHAHA. After eight years!)

Oh yea, Mhay is the one who gave that letter from my previous entry. Really sweet isnt she?

Anyways, gotta go. Want to play some SIMS before I do some chores. Till then!

Popularity: 1% [?]

Sayonara…

Yesterday was a sad day. For the first time since I joined the agency, everybody saw me cry.

It was because I am to transfer to a sibling agency our president owns. There are three of us who will transfer. Me, Tin Tin and Tito Jim.

It was nearing the end of the day, after feeling lonesome all alone in my cubicle all day long, when a few of my officemates came to bid me well on my transfer on Monday, when my tears started to flow. They were surprised because they never see me cry unless I get to watch something dramatic on the net or I admitted I cried over a paragraph from a novel.

I didn’t want to leave the agency but it was the decision of the higher administration. It was the first time I felt I was leaving a second family.

Sure, I cried over graduations, knowing that you and your classmates are seperating to have your own lives, them as being your siblings and your teachers as your parents.

But it was different here, I will really miss the family I had. Our president said we would only be on loan at the other agency for 6 months then it would be our decision if we would like to stay there or to return to our agency. I hope I will be able to return in 6 months.

It was emphasized that we only being loaned and we are still under the administration of our agency. Honestly, when we were introduced a few days ago, I found the work at the other agency exciting but at the same time scary. I just hope I could cope. XD

I am to go with the flow. I guess I am going to take this as an opportunity and see what will happen in the long run. But for the momeny, I am still lonely with the fact that I am not working at our agency starting Monday.

One close officemate of mine gave this letter. Really sweet. ^^

Dearest Ate Chedie,

~ Mhay

There are other stuff in here but I’d rather not place it here in the blog. ^^

Sir Gil, I’ll try to visit. Ma mi-miss ko kayo! See you soon Papa! *waaaaah!!!*

Yes, opportunities are great. But nobody said it was easy to leave friends.

Six months. In six months I will know what will happen with this change. I hope it will be good. *cross fingers*

Popularity: 8% [?]

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